Area Man Finds Love through E-Predding on New Battle.net Forums

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[Hush]

Irvine, CA - Authorities were shocked and puzzled to learn that 21 year old Calliope Winters, previously thought dead after she had been missing for over 3 months, was not only alive, but married to Stan Kress, who is 42.

Police, responding to a noise complaint called in by surrounding neighbors when they kept hearing throughout the night, "HE DIDN'T DPS THOSE ARE MY GLOVES!!! NEED BEFORE GREED! NEED BEFORE GREEEEDDDD!," discovered Winters when she passed behind Kress who answered the door in nothing but his underwear.

"My suspicion became aroused when I saw a dainty figure dart across the kitchen with a tether connecting her neck to the ceiling. I almost didn't see her because of  Mr. Kress's ridiculously fat head," said David Black, one of the officers on scene.

Entering the premises under probable cause, the officers found a network of pvc pipe, suspended from the ceiling, running throughout the house. Winters was found in a corner of a dirty bathroom with a leather collar around her neck, a thick chain connecting it to one of the pipes above.

When questioned, Kress replied that Winters wore the collar "by choice" as a symbol of their unyielding, eternal love. Every attempt to elicit a response from the young girl resulted in frightened stares at Kress, the officers stated.

Asking Mr. Kress how the two met, he said that they both played the online video game World of Warcraft. Kress went on to detail how he thought her character, Tessandrafae, a blood elf paladin, was "pretty cute," and spent a good deal of each evening following her around the digital world and /dance-ing with her.

It wasn't until Blizzard implemented their Real ID forum feature that Kress confirmed Tessandrafae was indeed a female.

"I saw her post on our realm forums and with such a unique real life name, I spent a few minutes on Google and found all kinds of information about her. I was overjoyed to learn she lived only 2 hours away. I would finally have my Epic Princess," Kress said with a smile.

Kress's demeanor darkened as he continued explaining the situation.

"I had to kick that faggot Glimmerz from the guild. Everyone thought he was a she and Real ID confirmed it was a guy. Everyone used to spend all this time in Howling Fjord with him. So many guildies had picnics with him dressed in their Black Dress from the Love is in the Air event. We all thought he was a she," he said, shifting uncomfortably.

Kress explained that he had traveled to Winters's hometown to "/dance with her IRL," and when she saw him in her window, she jumped and hit her head, falling unconscious. Kress then proceeded to open the window, pick up her lifeless body, and drive for 2 hours back to his place to tend to her wounds.

When Kress was asked why he didn't simply take her to the local hospital, he replied in a matter-of-fact tone, "Their first aid wasn't high enough."

Later, Winters was finally allowed to speak, reading a prepared statement in front of a massive gathering of journalists and reporters. Poor Play was able to obtain an exact transcript of the missive, faithfully reproduced below.

He has treated me extremely well. I don't miss
Either my friends or my family and I couldn't ask for a better
Life. While the circumstances of my marriage are suspect,
Please don't think less of me or my dear husband.

Many people judge him from an outsider's perspective but
Every thing he does is for me and our unborn child.

(Oh yeah, we killed Halion 25 and a whole lot of us got our 25 man drakes. Yay Real ID!)

[Zemus]

Richard D James art taken from Aphex Twin ablum covers of Windowlicker and Come to Daddy

[Charlie]

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-NgAkWxcPBE

[laptop]

Gives new meaning to the term coyote ugly

[Blackeyered]

This has got to be the worst piece of journalism I have read in a long time.  A high school kid could do far better.  The story is so full of bullshit it's unbelievable.  Who finds this shit funny?  Morons and retards.  I hope the author shoots himself and the moderator of this website takes this POS down since it just further adds to the Poor Play rep of being full of live-at-home, no girlfriend or life for that matter, nerds.

[Birgitte]

The funny part is that you think anyone cares.

[Podra]

You do realize you applied to this guild you fucking retard.

Have fun in Na Fianna faggot.

[Ryuujin]

This has got to be the worst piece of journalism I have read in a long time.  A high school kid could do far better.  The story is so full of bullshit it's unbelievable.  Who finds this shit funny?  Morons and retards.  I hope the author shoots himself and the moderator of this website takes this POS down since it just further adds to the Poor Play rep of being full of live-at-home, no girlfriend or life for that matter, nerds.

That picture is yours isn't it?

[Gine]

And i quote from you application:

"How do you sum up the great Blackeyered?  Legend?  Perhaps.  Bad-ass pally heals?  Definitely.  Overall well-rounded player?  Bullseye!"

ROFL

[Dax]

This has got to be the worst piece of journalism I have read in a long time.  A high school kid could do far better.  The story is so full of bullshit it's unbelievable.  Who finds this shit funny?  Morons and retards.  I hope the author shoots himself and the moderator of this website takes this POS down since it just further adds to the Poor Play rep of being full of live-at-home, no girlfriend or life for that matter, nerds.

Good job burning your bridges with a guild where you may have seen some prog Black... /golfclap

[Ryuujin]

This has got to be the worst piece of journalism I have read in a long time.  A high school kid could do far better.  The story is so full of bullshit it's unbelievable.  Who finds this shit funny?  Morons and retards.  I hope the author shoots himself and the moderator of this website takes this POS down since it just further adds to the Poor Play rep of being full of live-at-home, no girlfriend or life for that matter, nerds.

Good job burning your bridges with a guild where you may have seen some prog Black... /golfclap

No progression to be had here though.

[Dax]

Heroic LK still needs to go down guys. Thats a prog kill right?